Crash Course Pony Forum Canon
by Imperator Augustus
Summary: A parody of Crash Course World History based on the forum canon for the My Little Pony RP Forum
1. The Elemental War

Hi there, I'm Augustus coming to you with Crash Course Forum Canon

Today we're going to talk about the earliest event in forum canon history, the Elemental War.

So, the Elemental War took place millions of years ago, lasting from Light knows when to the dawn of recorded history when the first Elves were taught writing. The main combatants in the war were the Old Gods C'Thun, Yogg'Saron, and N'Zoth, and the Elven Gods, cheifly the God of Creation Nys'irr, the God of War Inci'sar, and the God of Machines Vyre'irs. Now, the last surviving Elf Goddess Scyrah refuses to tell how or why her family came to this world, later named Gaia, so we can never know exactly how thr war began. But we do know that the constructs of the Elven Gods clashed with the Elemental and Insectoid armies of the Old Gods across the entire world and we also know the Elven Gods succedded in defeating the Old Gods, though found it impossible to kill them, as it would shatter the world to pieces if they did.

After the Elementals were defeated, their masters chained far beneath the earth, the lesser mortal beings came out of hiding. The three Protoequss species emerged, as did the early protodragons. Even Gods emerged, Gaia and her brother Phlebos came out into the world, greeted by the Elven Pantheon.

Soon after the emergence of true dragons in the northern part of the world, the Old God Yogg'Saron managed to breach it's prison, sending it's army of the Faceless out in an attempt to to reclaim the surface world. Though the Faceless were defeated, Yogg'Saron's breach made the Elven Gods and Gaia nervous, if one Old God could escape, so could the other two. With this in mind, and after several more escape attempts by Yogg'Saron, the Elves built mighty fortresses above the tombs, guarded by countless constructs and arcane defenses. Along with the existing defenses, the Gods Nys'irr and Vyre'irs created the massive Hyperions, gleaming silver constructs that lay dormant under mountainlike disguises in northern Boletaria. Gaia, wary of the inorganic defenses of the Elven Gods, empowered five beings with great power to defend the world from the destructive power of the Old Gods. These Aspects, Life, Earth, Magic, Time, and Dreams, stood vigil over the entire world, though refused to take part in the affairs of the arising mortals.

Now for most if this early history, the world was just one continent, not yet seperated into the four that exist today. After the construction of the Hyperions, the Insectoid armies of the Old God C'Thun began amassing in the southwestern and northwestern parts of the continent, the Makura and Quiraj races. Each was waiting for their Old God master to signal them to overwhelm the world.

To make sure this didn't happen, the Elven Gods convinced Gaia to tear the continent apart, seperating it into tge four continents, to be named Maredoron, Elephan, Azjol'Nerub, and Makura. Along with this, the Aspects of Earth and Magic erected a mighty, enchanted wall in front of the entrance to C'Thun's tomb, enchanted to prevent anything from going above, around, or through it. The seperate insect races were seperated by tge continental creation and over time they evolved into the insect races of today. The Quiraj that existed in Maredoron became more ponylike (Though that was after the arrival of ponies after the Great Exodus, more on that next time), becoming the Changelings. The Quiraj that were in the cold northern continent of Azjol'Nerub became larger, more spiderlike, becoming to shadowy Nerubians. The Quiraj in Elephan, though now extinct outside the Scarab Wall, stayed Quiraj, though have little hope of escaping their prison. The Makura of Makura became more crustacean, their forms becoming like giant crayfish due to their new home being mostly swamp.

Oh, time for the open letter

An open letter to Gaia

Dear Gaia

You were originally useless. For the first couple thousand years of your existance, you allowed the Old Gods to wage endless war on your back, preventing from life from becoming more advanced than using sticks, and I'm assuming causing you great pain.

Why did you wait until after the Old Gods were defeated to emerge into the physical world?

Sure, you take an active part in history now, your most devoted of followers just finished fighting a civil war to defend you and all life in general, but before the Elven Gods came, you were pointless

Best wishes, Augustus

Ok, so, the insect races weren't the only species to arise from all of this. The God Nys'irr took a primitive race created from the lingering Old God magic, the Kobolds, and impregnated the Goddess Scyrah with it, making her give birth to one of the most advanced races in the world today, the Iosan Elves.

And Scyrah worked like a queen insect, once impregnated she would continue having children until she ran out of eggs to fertilize, but by then the Iosans were a thriving civilization about to go to war with tge descendents of the Protoequss (More on that after the Great Exodus)

So the Elemental War and the events that followed shaped the world as we know it today, it being the most destructive war in all history.

Next time we'll talk about the emergence of Ponykind in Elephan and the Great Exodus to Maredoron.

Until then... there is no saying for my home town, Augustus


	2. The Rise of Ponies and the Great Exodus

Welcome back everypony to Crash Course Forum Canon. I am still Augustus

Today we discuss the emergence of the most important race in forum history. That's right, today we talk about Ponies.

Now as you remember from the last chapter, the Protoequss species had just emerged from the caves after the defeat of the Old Gods, but they didn't become what they are now until after the separation of the world. Due to the fact that the three Protoequss couldn't migrate away from the hordes of Quiraj that were on Elephan, they had to adapt to survive. Protoequss Magika became increasingly adept with the arcane, losing two of their existing horns for just one. Protoequss Terrae developed more powerful muscles in their hind legs. Protoequss Aerie acquired the ability to move the clouds (Though it wasn't evolution that did this, it was the Elemental Lord of Air, Al'Akir). And as these changes happened, the three began to grow smarter, the first villages being built in the vast central plains of Elephan, but this wasn't a civilization yet.

Pony civilization began with a string of fortresses built by Pegasi in the mountains of northwestern Elephan. From these fortresses cities arose and eventually the first kingdoms. These kingdoms weren't like the ones today, being more focused on survival than technological or military dominance.

From these kingdoms, tensions began to arise. Among the new Earth Pony kingdoms, three groups came. The spirit worshipping Amani Tribe of Earth Ponies journeyed east into the jungles, being driven away by the city building Equest Tribe. The Amani built the city of Zul'Farrak, their physical form being altered by the Nature Spirits into the race of Trolls. Another small group of Earth Ponies that worshipped Gaia left the kingdoms, though of their own free will. They moved to the Far East coast of Elephan, where Gaia changed them into the modern day Zebras

The most interesting of the offshoot Equss species is also the least understood, the Alicorns. I just want to put it out now that Alicorns are not now, nor have they ever been, gods. Their creation is most interesting because they didn't arise from divine intervention, coming from a tribe of Pegasi interbreeding with a tribe of Unicorns. The Alicorns themselves began the oldest military order in the world, the Order of the Holy Wall of Civilization or just the Order of the Wall. Using the Order's Paladins, the Alicorns united the kingdoms of the mountains and plains, leaving the Trolls and Zebras to their own devices, creating the only country in history to unite all Pegasi, Unicorns, and Earth Ponies.

While this achievement is incredible, it is overshadowed by what came next. Coming down from the southern mountains, the race of Titans swarmed over the Alicorn's empire, slaughtering the denizens with maddening blood list. After several failed attempts to defeat the Titans in battle, the Alicorns ordered all citizens to head for the coast, where enormous vessels would carry them across the sea to a new home

It's time again for the open letter

And open letter to Alicorns

Dear Alicorns

I've noticed that across the entire fandom you are considered gods. This is really not true and you know it , yet your race continues to act godly, commanding respect from all and wielding godlike powers, when in actuality you came from two pony tribes that loved skoodilypooping

You're not that special, in fact, you were never worshipped as Gods until Celestia began the Age of Ignorance in Equesteia. You're as important as any other unicorn or Pegasus . Even Celestia and Luna can be replaced by unicorns

Replaceable

Best wishes, Augustus

So the Ponies escaped Elephan, an event now called the Great Exodus. They traveled across the Great Ocean until a massive beam of light shot upwards from the center of Maredoron, bringing the ponies to it. That explosion was the destruction of the Skybridge and the creation of the Southern Deserts

The Zebras didn't come until much later and the Trolls only recently arrived. All in all, Ponies were whimps.

Next time, we will be discussing the largest war in Pony history, the a Thousand Years War.

Until then, Augustus


End file.
